Category Archives: Reviews and Commentary

Matching Advertising To The Right Audience

Marketing, Reviews and Commentary, , , , , , , , , ,

Here is one of my homework assignments for Media and Culture class. We were asked to bring in two ads and answer questions about them. Here is my response.

Ads by Fujifilm made for different products aimed at different audiences.
Ads by Fujifilm made for different products aimed at different audiences.

On the left is an advertisement for Fujifilm lenses, and the right shows advertisements for Fujifilm cameras. The advertisement on the left is from American Cinematographer magazine and the rightmost advertisements are samples of graphics made for social media and other campaigns.

1. Does the communications strategy of the ads differ? How?

The ad in American Cinematographer features an industry professional giving a testimonial about the quality of the product. The strategy is to appeal to an audience that is looking for serious professional equipment. The format of the ad is appropriate for a magazine which an older audience is more likely to be reading in the first place.

The ads for the Instax camera are meant to appeal to consumers taking snapshots. The consumer ads are designed for social media which is used more by younger people.

2. Does the style of the ads differ? How?

The professional ad uses serious colors, typefaces, and a photo that shows the professional looking intent and purposeful. The technique used in the photo is one that would catch the eye of professionals who know what lenses and professional techniques such as depth of field can do to enhance a subject. The focus is on the face of the professional person and both the foreground and background are out of focus which makes it an effective photo in itself but also shows off technique.

The consumer ads are much more brightly colored and contain less text than the ad aimed at professionals. It looks like the product is fun to own and use due to the bright trendy colors and sample pictures of social occasions. The consumer ads are also shaped and sized differently for use in different media, for example sharing on social media as opposed to sitting down and reading a print magazine.

3. Does the content of the ads differ? How?

There is more text in the professional ad. This type of consumer would need to know about photography to be interested in the product and know how to use the product. Such a person needs to know at least a little technical information about the product to know whether they would be interested and would be willing to read the small text. There are also references in the text that would mean something to professionals and give the spokesperson credibility. The professional pictured is male and the creators of the ad are apparently assuming the majority of the interested consumers would also be male. The person is a mature age but not elderly so at a stage of life where people are usually at a professional peak. There are small pictures of the product in the ad but the professional in the main photo is the dominant image.

The consumer Instax ads have less text. The consumer for this product is going to want something simple to use and is familiar enough with the concept of a camera to know how to take snapshots. The intended audience wants to have fun with the product and the bright colors and images of social situations suggest fun very effectively. The consumer is presumably interested enough in fashion and trends to respond to different color offerings. Instead of technical specs there are words like “cute”, “party”, “fun” and “instant”. The majority of people shown in the photos are young and female. The product looks simple enough for a teen or tween to use. An older consumer who is a crafter and into scrapbooking might also be attracted to the bright colors because they coordinate with a lot of popular lines of craft supplies. The pictures of people are small and subordinate to the product which is shown much larger.

I also put some magazine ads on a Pinterest board to look at, with the publication and date indicated.

https://www.pinterest.com/chasenfratz/media-analysis/

Play Review: The Lifespan of a Fact

Reviews and Commentary, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

lifespan_reviewOn October 17, 2019 I saw the play The Lifespan of a Fact at the Repertory Theatre of St. Louis. Have you ever wondered how much of the media that you consume contains truth? Have you ever pondered how you personally define “truth”? Do you ever examine your own views on what kind of media you consume and whether or not you have different standards and expectations for how it presents supposed facts depending on the genre? How many artistic liberties are permissible to take with factual events in order to create a message that you think has merit? If you have ever thought about such matters or generally enjoy the kind of play that sparks discussions among your theatre-going party, I think you will love The Lifespan of a Fact.

There are three characters in the play, a writer, a magazine editor and a fact checker. They battle with each other as they negotiate what kind of finished product will end up in the magazine according to personal and industry standards of ethics. Will the finished product serve high art or the interests of the readers, the community, the advertisers or publishers? Can a compromise be reached? What would you decide if you were the editor?

Even though the play deals with serious issues and will give you a lot to think about, this production will not test your endurance or attention span. It’s not long enough to require an intermission and is fast-moving and entertaining with humorous and emotionally touching passages. Even though one could obviously apply the ideas in the play to current political situations, there are no overt partisan political references so it’s safe to invite your conservative or liberal friends – all should have a good time.  The Lifespan of a Fact is showing through November 10, 2019.

Link to Repertory Theatre box office: 
http://www.repstl.org/events/detail/the-lifespan-of-a-fact

Gardening, Larry McMurtry and Henry David Thoreau

Gardening, Reviews and Commentary, , , , , , , , ,

One of my all-time favorite novels is “Duane’s Depressed” by Larry McMurtry. I’ve re-read it enough times to have it practically memorized. At the beginning of the book,
the title character is in his early 60’s and is the owner of a small oil company in Texas. One day he comes to the realization that he can no longer tolerate his current lifestyle. He decides that he has spent way too many decades of his life driving around in pickup trucks trying to accomplish things that haven’t meant anything to him in a long time. His house is too large, too crammed with stuff and too full of family members who drive him crazy. The town is too full of people who expect him to serve on committees, solve problems and listen to complaints. He doesn’t want to deal with the oil company anymore and eventually turns it over to his son. He abruptly parks his pickup truck, walks out to a simple cabin he owns outside of town, and abdicates nearly all of his responsibilities, despite protests from practically everyone in his life.

Duane has decided for reasons not known to him yet that he is fed up with motorized transportation. The new life he has begun has been simplified into figuring out how to meet his basic needs while walking everywhere he needs to go. His cabin has almost nothing in it so when he decides to clear some brush and stockpile some firewood, he walks to a convenience store with a small hardware department to get tools since he can’t stand the thought of having to deal with the people in the town and in his house to get the tools he already owns. The store owner tells him he is acting like Thoreau so he later seeks out a copy of “Walden” and reads it to see what the store owner is talking about. This is part of his process of seeking an explanation for his behavior that he can’t give to all the people who are bugging him about it because he doesn’t yet know himself.

A lot of the book deals with Duane’s thoughts as he’s working on his new activities. Later in the book he does engage in actual gardening but while he is still just working on firewood he considers walking to the store to purchase a wheelbarrow so he can work faster. Then he asks himself why he needs to work faster and decides that acquiring stuff so he can work faster is a slippery slope back to the old life he doesn’t want any more.

I think a lot about the decision of this character not to purchase a wheelbarrow while I’m out gardening. I own a few power tools, but I usually prefer to use hand tools when I can. I do not have a philosophical or moral objection to using power tools. I will use them when I think they will help me out. One of the reasons I use a lot of hand tools is that sometimes it takes more time to deal with batteries and rechargers and extension cords and power outlets than it does to just grab a hand tool and do it. I like the exercise that comes with hand work. Probably the biggest reason is that when I’m working on my own garden, I’m working for different reasons than for a client garden. Timing IS important when working on gardening and landscaping projects even if you don’t have a deadline or have to work in the most cost-effective way possible when working on a project. Sometimes you have to whip out the power tools to get things done during the right season or in the right order before something else can be done.

An invasive hedge we are removing bit by bit with hand tools.
An invasive hedge we are removing bit by bit with hand tools.

I’ve been periodically working on removing these invasive honeysuckle bushes and vines in our backyard for some time. I’ve been making a big push the last few weeks and last night my husband Tom joined in. So far all of this work has been done with hands, a bypass hand pruner, a small pruning saw and a pair of loppers. Yes we could get this done more quickly if we borrowed, purchased or rented a power chain saw. But if we did that we could not converse while we work or enjoy the bird sounds. The task would become just another chore instead of a restorative activity that makes us feel good physically and mentally. Another factor to consider is the apartment complex that is adjacent to our backyard. I hate it when weather nice enough to open your house windows finally comes along and you have to abruptly close them because all you can hear are leaf blowers, saws and lawn mowers. This is less of a problem if your property is large but as you can see ours is not and we have extremely close neighbors that I would rather not disturb if it’s not absolutely necessary.

Like the title character in “Duane’s Depressed”, I appreciate taking time when possible to do things the slow way and the simpler way. When I first read “Duane’s Depressed” 20 years ago I had not heard of mindfulness. I don’t think the word mindfulness is even in the book but that is part of what Duane needed without knowing it. Gardening is one of the things I do to help achieve it – when I’m gardening all I’m thinking about are the sights, sounds, smells, textures and sometimes even tastes I’m experiencing. The effect on my well being is almost like magic!

No, I haven’t yet read “Walden”. The character who mentions Thoreau to Duane refers to him as a “Yankee a**hole” and Duane’s therapist calls him “that gloomy man”. Not exactly a ringing endorsement is it! Have you read “Walden”? If so, what did you think? In this novel Duane also reads “Remembrance of Things Past” by Proust which he hates 90% of, so I haven’t picked that one up yet either!

Remembering an Old Friend

Art, Reviews and Commentary, , ,
Mark Reed at Tower Grove Park in 1996
Mark Reed at Tower Grove Park in 1996

Mark Elliott Reed, 1969-2018

Unfortunately Mark was really too young to leave this world but he was an “old friend” because I knew him for a long time. We met when we were both in college and later on we shared an employer for a few years. We had many common interests such as art, hiking, animals and nature. I’m sure I pushed him out of his comfort zone at times because of some of my ideas of what is fun. I used to joke with him that you know who to call if you want to visit scary abandoned buildings, get heat stroke or stand for hours up to your ankles in cold mud! I hope he had as much fun on our more adventurous outings as I did.

Since I learned of Mark’s passing I’ve been looking through a lot of old photos. I have many photo albums of hikes we took together but he is not in many of the pictures. Mark was kind of shy about drawing attention to himself. When I was learning photography he did pose for me on occasion because it was in his nature to be a generous person.

Mark was sometimes insecure about his creative work but I was always amazed by his talent. He could create something interesting in any form of expression that he tried. Before Mark had formal art training, he was a bit insecure about his creative output and unfortunately he destroyed some of his earlier work. I do have some of it in my personal collection so there are some early pieces still around. Even when his artwork was still a bit naive in technique he had such creativity and exuberance that I was blown away. Over the years he worked with drawing, collage, clay, computer graphics, model painting and building, poetry and novel writing. I wrote a review of his first book “The God Hunters” on this old web page here: Book Reviews. I was not only impressed with the quality of his writing but that he had the fortitude to finish a large project like a book. He was on his sixth or seventh book in the series when he passed away.

Mark had a special sense of humor that I really appreciated – surreal and a bit twisted at times. For example here are a couple of lines from one of his poems that I really like:

Flies and grubs speak directly to us…
Geriatric means “no tacos”

I don’t know what that means – but at the same time I do!

Mark’s talent, knowledge and playful sense of curiosity made him a really interesting and fun person to be around. He was also very kind and generous with his resources, including his time. Mark was often available to share fun activities with me and he was also there for me at some really bad times in my life. I read through some old messages between Mark and I to try to date some of the old photos I was looking at. I noticed that although we did a lot together at times in our lives, there were also a lot of instances when I invited him to something and he was unavailable. In the vast majority of cases, this was because he was helping someone else or giving others the gift of his companionship.

It’s understandable that a lot of people wanted Mark’s company. Mark, you left the world wanting more.

Link to my Facebook tribute photo album to Mark:
Memories of Mark Reed

Christmas Craft Bender – Part 2

Fabric and Fiber Arts, Holiday Crafts, Home Decor, Reviews and Commentary, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Here is another chapter in my post-Christmas wrap-up!

I made quite a few felt ornaments as gifts. I really love to give ornaments with pockets as gifts because they can be made into a more substantial gift by tucking something in the pocket such as gift card or some money. Small objects like jewelry, flash drives, memory cards or candy could be included. Or for a gift with a lot of value other than monetary, you could put personal notes or prayers in the pocket.

Felt heart with pocket – this design could work for Valentine’s Day of course, but I made a few in Christmas colors to serve as tree ornaments.
Here is the flower Pocket Treasure Keeper made in colors that a friend of mine likes.
Here is a version of the flower made in Christmas colors.

The patterns for the ornaments shown came from the book “Forest Fairy Crafts” by Lenka Vodicka-Paredes and Asia Currie. When I first started teaching at JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts, the Education Coordinator lent me this book from the classroom library to get ideas for kids hand sewing projects. I haven’t made any of the fairies in the book but I have made six different projects from the Pocket Treasure Keepers section. I’ve taught these projects to kids and adults and they are a big hit with both groups. Pockets are just really fun! I changed the stitching and design details on some of my samples but used the patterns unaltered. The patterns are very easy to use because they are printed at actual size.

Besides super cute patterns, “Forest Fairy Crafts” contains tips for teaching hand-sewing to kids. There are overviews of materials and basic skills plus a handy troubleshooting page. The directions are easy to follow and the photos are clear and beautiful. If you are interested in teaching a child how to sew or just want to make the appealing projects I highly recommend “Forest Fairy Crafts”.

Book Review: “My Crazy Life Stories from A to Z” by Marilyn Linkul Winka

Reviews and Commentary, , , , , , , , , , , , ,
My Crazy Life Stories from A to Z by Marilyn Linkul Winka
“My Crazy Life Stories from A to Z” by Marilyn Linkul Winka

This is going to be a challenging review for me to write. The author is my aunt and the book is a memoir. Many of the stories are about my family and I was there for some of the incidents so there is no way to read it the same way a typical reader will.

My late Mom Lois was the oldest of three sisters. The middle sister, Marilyn, shares in this book a lot of funny stories about pranks, silly and embarrassing personal foibles, humorous Catholic guilt, plus touching anecdotes and observations. My Mom was not serious all the time but she was far more serious than Marilyn – many people have wondered aloud how they could be related! We know they are though, because they were not totally different. Both enjoyed teaching. Both were hardworking. Both were sincere about their faith. Both were tolerant and compassionate. Both enjoyed self-expression in the forms of writing, singing, dancing and acting.

All our lives the whole family has acknowledged that Marilyn is “crazy” – in the wacky sense, not the mentally ill sense. Most of my favorite parts of the book are about pranks and silliness. Some of the stories made me laugh so hard I was choking on my own snot. (It’s ok to say “snot” now and then, right Marilyn?)

Marilyn is not afraid to poke fun at herself in this book. Some of her prank anecdotes show that she has historically not always been shy about poking fun at others either. I don’t get the impression it was done maliciously. She can forgive herself for occurences that were thoughtless, silly or outrageously obtuse. If you’ve ever had experiences like that, you can laugh along with Marilyn and at yourself as she acknowledges some of her weirdness. Hopefully you can also pick up some of her forgiving attitude. It’s ok to own up to what you did and then let yourself off the hook. She lets a lot of other people off the hook for stuff they did to her too. Opportunities to throw other people under the bus have been passed by. That’s a sign of maturity, perhaps – from someone who has worked hard all her life to teach us that being mature is not always required! For example a bodily function reference is not the end of the world, right?

Life is too short not to bring out your inner child out to play sometimes. I’m in no way as uninhibited in my behavior as my Aunt but I’m unconventional in different ways and I have a high tolerance for and appreciation of eccentricity! Some of the stories in the book are about Marilyn’s father (my Grandfather) and his two brothers. See this picture and explanatory caption below to get a glimpse of the family that produced such as we…

Close up of a diorama I made featuring one of my all-time favorite photos – my Grandfather, Bill, with the corn-cob pipe, pretending to play baseball with his two brothers. They are using an air hockey puck, a racing helmet, a fire helmet and a beggar’s tin cup. You can’t see it in the diorama but Uncle Jack is holding a lollipop. Their front teeth are blacked out with construction paper. Why? Because Linkul, that’s why!

This book is a gift to my family because it preserves a lot of family history. I learned some things about my grandparents, my Mom and others that I did not know before. What is the average reader going to get out of it? Besides some encouragement to laugh at and forgive yourself, this book provides a glimpse of life, culture and history in the greater St. Louis area, especially South St. Louis. It may also inspire you to give a gift to your own family by preserving your favorite stories for future generations to enjoy!

Click here to buy “My Crazy Life Stories from A to Z”.

A Comparison Between Emotional Abuse and Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals”

Reviews and Commentary, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The tone of public discourse about politics in our country today alarms a lot of people of different political persuasions. Events in my recent personal history have caused me to educate myself about emotional abuse tactics that others have used against me. I’ve noticed that a lot of these tactics are prominent in social media and the “mainstream” media. It seems to permeate almost all pop culture, entertainment and “news” which is why I avoid most of it and have for many years. I thought it would be interesting to compare emotional abuse tactics that I have personally experienced with Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals” and see if there is any overlap.

Here are links to the source documents I used for my comparison:

And here are the results:

My Personal Experience Rules for Radicals
Intended target I was likely perceived as vulnerable because of grieving a deep personal loss and having suffered a recent and extreme career and financial downturn Low-income communities and “have nots”
Gaslighting Ex-boyfriend tried to convince me that I have a lot of illnesses and that my web site gave him a virus. Ex-boss told me I’m not smart enough to learn things in classes I wanted to take. “Whenever possible, go outside the expertise of the enemy.” Look for ways to increase insecurity, anxiety and uncertainty.
Name-calling and put-downs Just in the last week I’ve had the following terms applied to me – “dumb”, “mouth-breathing”, “brain-dead”, “stupid”, “subhuman dwarf”. These were in one-on-one interactions where the people knew exactly who they were addressing.
My ex-boyfriend mocked my physical appearance and gloated and mocked me over signs that I was hurt by his actions.		 “Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon.” There is no defense. It’s irrational. It’s infuriating. It also
works as a key pressure point to force the enemy into concessions.
Isolating you from your support networks My ex-boyfriend put down my family and sabotaged a reunion I had with some friends I hadn’t seen in years.
My ex-boss instructed co-workers not to help me with my projects.		 “Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.” Cut off the support network and isolate the
target from sympathy. Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions.
Projection – accusing you of doing things they are doing themselves My ex-boyfriend had a lot of debt and I have none but he accused me numerous times of being bad at handling money. “Power is not only what you have, but what the enemy thinks you have.”
They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks When people taunt you and hurt you until you react, they can accuse you of all kinds of things, such as being neurotic and mentally ill. And that’s just the beginning! “If you push a negative hard enough, it will push through and become a positive.”
They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong Abusive people have criticized me for not having enough money then got angry at me for working too hard.
I’ve been put down for taking classes to help me with my career while simultaneously being put down by the same person for my career not being sufficiently successful. I’ve been put down for things that I think are common sense – getting exercise, wearing sunscreen, eating healthy food, losing weight, saving my retirement money for retirement, combining car trips to save on gas. An abusive ex-roommate used to put down my hair color (it was natural then!). There doesn’t seem to be any aspect of my life that is too trivial for someone else to take notice of and attack.		 “Keep the pressure on. Never let up.” Keep trying new things to keep the opposition off balance.

Results: there is not a one-to-one correspondence, but there is some overlap. I recommend you read the signs of emotional abuse very carefully – is someone in your personal life using those tactics against you? Is the media using those tactics against you? Are political movements using those tactics against you? I’m not pointing the finger at only one side here – I’ve been abused by people from different political points of view. My goal in writing this is to make you more aware of abuse in your life and inspire you to refuse to tolerate it – no matter who is doing it to you!

Book Review: “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men”

Reviews and Commentary, , , , , , , , , ,

why_does_he_do_thatThis was a really painful book for me to read and this is going to be a really painful review to write.

I once had an employer who fit the emotionally abusive criteria in this book. When he first hired me, he treated me very well. He praised my abilities often. He gave me credit for increased business. He sent me to training and paid for it. He gave me the second best office in the building after his. I thought I had the best boss ever – so much better than all the ones I’d had before. I worked really hard for this boss, and it was my pleasure. It’s nice to have my hard work acknowledged and appreciated!

After a few very happy years, I started noticing that he seemed to be undermining my projects and encouraging other employees to keep information from me that would help me do my job. It didn’t seem to matter if clients were being harmed in the process. No boss would do that, would he? I was just being paranoid, wasn’t I? He started discouraging me from learning new things. He started telling me I didn’t have the ability to learn what I wanted to learn. Then one day he insulted me in front of other employees, then tried to talk me into quitting. When I wouldn’t agree to quit without finding a new job first, he fired me. Then he asked if we could still be friends!

This behavior was unlike any I’d ever experienced before, and I found it baffling. I didn’t enjoy the process, but I got over it pretty quickly because I found a better paying job with an even better boss within 18 hours. I’d noticed this boss lying to other people in the past – I just need to be more skeptical about people who lie, right? If I ever meet someone like this again I’ll be able to recognize it, won’t I?

During the summer before last, I started dating a guy. I was really impressed by how he treated me. He opened doors for me. He made baked goods for me. He showed me lots of affection. He seemed interested in what I said and when I did nice things for him he expressed appreciation. It was wonderful to finally be in a relationship where I was treated well – so much better than all the others. I met his friends and family. Nobody warned me to watch out. For months he talked often of our future life together. We discussed where we’d like to have a wedding, what kind of reception, where we’d live, whether to get a trailer so we could haul two kayaks. I’d never caught him in a lie about his background or work or anything like that. I’d never seen him lie to anyone else – I thought he was an honest guy. When he said he loved me I believed him. I trusted him completely.

For several months he had also been suggesting there might be something wrong with me, like ADD or Asperger’s. I thought he was trying to help me be healthier but I realized later he didn’t want me healthy – his goal was to gradually break down my self confidence. Several times he expressed doubt about my ability to manage money even though I have no debt and he has quite a bit (an example of a manipulation called “Projecting”). He put down my appearance. He told me my web site gave him a virus when it didn’t have one. I did notice he seemed gradually less interested in my activities and interests but he still feigned enough to satisfy me. One night this past summer he talked about where to go on a honeymoon and the very next day, he told me he’d been thinking about breaking up with me for months. Why? Because he was angry that I had a garden and rented an art studio, plus I didn’t make enough money to suit him. He tried to talk me into breaking up with him but when I suggested I go into counseling to try to fix what was wrong with me instead, and made an appointment, he cruelly dragged out the process for several days then dumped me, in order to cause maximum pain and humiliation. He said I was the best girlfriend he’d ever had, he had to dump me because of a “gut feeling”, he loved me and still wanted to be friends later! (Of course I realize now he meant none of that, it’s just an extra bit of cruelty typically added on to confuse the abused person and delay their recovery.)

Well, here I was taken in by the same kind of emotionally abusive person again, going through the exact same stages again, only this time it was much more hurtful because I had really loved him and was changing my plans for my life to include him in it permanently. I thought I was safe with him but he wanted to hurt me for having interests and accomplishments. What is wrong with me that I am vulnerable to this kind of abuse? How can I avoid getting sucked in again?

I read this book hoping to get answers, and I learned a lot. There are certain subtle warning signs that I will pay more attention to next time, although I’m not sure how early one can detect abuse if the person is really good at hiding it. My ex-boyfriend is a very good actor and he had apparently read up on what signs to try to hide – he seemed to cover his tracks ahead of time on so many of the characteristics I should have been looking for. According to the author they do try to hide these things until they are sure you really love them and will really be hurt by them. There are guidelines to tell whether an abuser is a good candidate for change and how to tell if they are changing. I realize I’m lucky I got dumped because the vast majority do not change. Some of them dump you as a punishment for not agreeing with them on everything. How do you know if you’ve been abused? This book will help you figure that out. Lying to someone for months is abuse, for example. There are chapters in the book that address when the relationship goes further than ours did – what to when you’re financially dependent, if there are kids, if you fear it’s not safe to get out, if it escalates to physical violence. It was helpful to read about some of the things I’ve been spared. My emotionally abusive boss had been taken into custody for physically assaulting his wife, I found out later from public records, so the pattern described in the book sure does fit. It’s reassuring to read that my abusers wanted me to think there is something wrong with me so I’d be easier to control but they may have attacked me precisely because there is a lot RIGHT with me and it feeds their ego to hurt me because I am so accomplished. Their incomprehensible behavior now makes sense – making you feel great in the beginning is a tactic called “Love Bombing”. It was painful to realize that the man I had been in love with was not a real person but a persona calculated to best manipulate me – this is called “Mirroring”. Trying to confuse you with lies or make you doubt yourself by suggesting something is wrong with you is called “Gaslighting”. Learn about lots more tactics in here.

This book was hard for me to read and digest, but there are things in here that everyone needs to know. I felt better just reading the reviews so I knew this would be a good book for me to read. Abuse isn’t just a problem that makes women suffer – my male co-worker was a victim of a brutal crime last week. What is the difference between violent crime and abuse? Both involve someone thinking that they are entitled to cause others’ suffering to meet their own selfish needs. Read this to arm yourself against abuse.

Here are some of my older book reviews.

Edit: In 2020, I wrote more about the abuse later in an online artist statement which is still being worked on and written. It turned out to be a lot longer than I planned! Here is a link to the most relevant page to this article. If you want to read more, click the arrow images at the top to scroll forward or backward. Link: http://www.limegreennews.com/roots/m.html

For those recovering from emotional abuse, these links have helped me – they might help you too.

http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse – recognizing the signs takes awhile sometimes – it can creep up on you slowly and it can happen to anyone

https://www.psychopathfree.com/articles/10-simple-things-you-can-do-to-support-a-survivor-of-emotional-abuse.335/ – send this link to your friends and family

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/index.html – emotion regulation

https://www.psychopathfree.com/articles/stages-of-grief-from-a-psychopathic-relationship.138/ – understanding the stages of grief might help you avoid beating yourself up for taking too long to get over it

Book Review: Birdies, Bogeys, & Bipolar Disorder

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Birdies, Bogeys, & Bipolar Disorder by Michael Wellington
Birdies, Bogeys, & Bipolar Disorder by Michael Wellington

I have a loved one who suffers from Bipolar disorder. A friend of mine who also has the disorder lent me this book so I could get a better understanding of what the illness is like and how to best be a help to someone who has this illness. My loved one will not talk to me much about his treatment, what it’s like when he’s in the different stages of the disorder, what it’s like to be hospitalized and what are the warning signs of symptoms escalating and how to help the sufferer put the brakes on. This book gave me a much better understanding of what he is going through. There is a limited amount of what you can do for a person with this illness because unfortunately much of the hard work has to be done by the patient. This book will however give you some guidance about whether you’re doing the right thing, what to encourage the person to do and how to recognize behavior that precedes different stages of the illness.

Unless you abandon the sufferer (and I’m not recommending that!), this disease is going to affect your whole family. You will need patience, empathy and education. I recommend Mr. Wellington’s book for friends and family members because it will help you in all those areas. You’ll feel less alone learning how people in the author’s life reacted to his situation. Bipolar patients should also read it to get some insight into their own symptoms and get guidance and encouragement in their own treatment. You will be inspired by this memoir of a true sportsman with real heart for the game and for life who has persisted against great odds to achieve and to help others.

You don’t have to be a big sports fan or a golf fan to enjoy this book – I finished it in two sittings because it was so gripping. The writing is top quality – I was excitedly turning pages waiting to learn the outcome about each tournament and each round of battling the illness. Although I like outdoor activities and fitness I don’t follow sports much nor do I know a lot about golf. I’ve never played though I do have a lot of family members who love it, so I did know that birdies are good, bogeys are bad, you use different clubs for different things and you are supposed to keep the ball out of the water and trees – but not much more! If you play golf or follow pro golf you’ll probably enjoy the book even more than I did. If you know someone with bipolar who is also a golf or sports fan, this book may get through to them better than any other book they might read because they will be able to relate to the author. After reading my friend’s copy I bought two more copies to give to family members.

Like the author, I’m a native of St. Louis, Missouri and geographical references in the book did help draw me in. Although I’m not the type to hang around in country clubs or golf courses I do recognize the names of a lot of places where the action takes place and I at least have a vague idea of where they are. Mr. Wellington is involved in charitable activities in the St. Louis area and elsewhere through the nonprofit organization Birdies4Bipolar. As someone who also does some work for a nonprofit that helps people with mental illness, I appreciate his efforts and those of others in that organization. Mental health consumers and their families need a lot of support!

Here are some of my older book reviews.

Book Review: “Surviving a Shark Attack (On Land) – Overcoming Betrayal and Dealing With Revenge” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Reviews and Commentary, , , , , ,

Last year I was in the beginning stages of a relationship and my then boyfriend saw this book on my shelf. He expressed concern over why I had this particular book in my library – I explained that I had been a subscriber to Dr. Laura’s web site for a couple of years and each year her people send subscribers a free book or DVD. Now I have an idea why he was concerned about this book – he apparently knew he’d eventually be betraying me and feared when that happened I’d want to read this title and get back at him.

Well, he needn’t have worried about this book’s effect on his own well-being. Much of the book is dedicated to persuading people NOT to take revenge on those who have harmed them. Not because it’s not satisfying sometimes, not because the betrayers don’t deserve it, but because it usually does more harm to you than it does to them. This book also helps you realize the sad truth that some people don’t demonstrate any empathy for you because they don’t know what it’s like to have feelings. They can only imitate what other people feel and they can’t really be harmed by anything you do because they don’t care. They are very good at acting and fooling people because they’ve been doing it their whole lives. Even worse, they may get enjoyment from knowing how much they’ve upset you, so don’t be tempted to give them further entertainment by demonstrating your pain to them. I’ve often wished I didn’t have feelings, I’m sure life is easier if you can’t be hurt, but I guess God gave me feelings for a reason.

There is also a lot of reinforcement to help you avoid being taken in by the same person repeatedly and about appreciating the things you do have in your life that are good. That’s not very satisfying when you’re freshly betrayed and experiencing high emotions, but in the long run I believe you will be happier if you take this advice. It might also make you feel better to read anecdotes about people who have been hurt even worse than you have been, as hard as that might to imagine when you’re upset.

This book could possibly help you out even you don’t read it. Just put it in a prominent place in your home. If it makes anyone nervous, maybe that’s a sign you need to have your guard up around this person.

Here are some of my older book reviews.