The tone of public discourse about politics in our country today alarms a lot of people of different political persuasions. Events in my recent personal history have caused me to educate myself about emotional abuse tactics that others have used against me. I’ve noticed that a lot of these tactics are prominent in social media and the “mainstream” media. It seems to permeate almost all pop culture, entertainment and “news” which is why I avoid most of it and have for many years. I thought it would be interesting to compare emotional abuse tactics that I have personally experienced with Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals” and see if there is any overlap.
Here are links to the source documents I used for my comparison:
And here are the results:
| My Personal Experience | Rules for Radicals | |
| Intended target | I was likely perceived as vulnerable because of grieving a deep personal loss and having suffered a recent and extreme career and financial downturn | Low-income communities and “have nots” |
| Gaslighting | Ex-boyfriend tried to convince me that I have a lot of illnesses and that my web site gave him a virus. Ex-boss told me I’m not smart enough to learn things in classes I wanted to take. | “Whenever possible, go outside the expertise of the enemy.” Look for ways to increase insecurity, anxiety and uncertainty. |
| Name-calling and put-downs | Just in the last week I’ve had the following terms applied to me – “dumb”, “mouth-breathing”, “brain-dead”, “stupid”, “subhuman dwarf”. These were in one-on-one interactions where the people knew exactly who they were addressing. My ex-boyfriend mocked my physical appearance and gloated and mocked me over signs that I was hurt by his actions. |
“Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon.” There is no defense. It’s irrational. It’s infuriating. It also works as a key pressure point to force the enemy into concessions. |
| Isolating you from your support networks | My ex-boyfriend put down my family and sabotaged a reunion I had with some friends I hadn’t seen in years. My ex-boss instructed co-workers not to help me with my projects. |
“Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.” Cut off the support network and isolate the target from sympathy. Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions. |
| Projection – accusing you of doing things they are doing themselves | My ex-boyfriend had a lot of debt and I have none but he accused me numerous times of being bad at handling money. | “Power is not only what you have, but what the enemy thinks you have.” |
| They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks | When people taunt you and hurt you until you react, they can accuse you of all kinds of things, such as being neurotic and mentally ill. And that’s just the beginning! | “If you push a negative hard enough, it will push through and become a positive.” |
| They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong | Abusive people have criticized me for not having enough money then got angry at me for working too hard. I’ve been put down for taking classes to help me with my career while simultaneously being put down by the same person for my career not being sufficiently successful. I’ve been put down for things that I think are common sense – getting exercise, wearing sunscreen, eating healthy food, losing weight, saving my retirement money for retirement, combining car trips to save on gas. An abusive ex-roommate used to put down my hair color (it was natural then!). There doesn’t seem to be any aspect of my life that is too trivial for someone else to take notice of and attack. |
“Keep the pressure on. Never let up.” Keep trying new things to keep the opposition off balance. |
Results: there is not a one-to-one correspondence, but there is some overlap. I recommend you read the signs of emotional abuse very carefully – is someone in your personal life using those tactics against you? Is the media using those tactics against you? Are political movements using those tactics against you? I’m not pointing the finger at only one side here – I’ve been abused by people from different political points of view. My goal in writing this is to make you more aware of abuse in your life and inspire you to refuse to tolerate it – no matter who is doing it to you!