Tag Archives: suicide bereavement

A public service announcement for those who own or rent condos at Brentwood Forest

August 29, 2022Reviews and Commentary#whydidntyouwarnme, 1542 High School Drive, 1544 High School Drive, abuse, abuse of power, bad reputation, bad reviews, Brentwood Forest, Brentwood Forest Condominniums, Brentwood Forest Pool, Brentwood Missouri, business ethics, Corporate Social Irresponsibility, Corporate Social Responsibility, ethical business practices, Laurel Mahon, mold, property management, public relations, reputation management, suicide bereavement, swimming, water damage, water leaks, why didn't you warn me, William Mahonchasenfratz

August 29, 2022: Another entry from the #whydidntyouwarnme desk

This summer we had historic levels of rainfall in the St. Louis metro area which have resulted in a lot of heartbreaking damage and costly repairs for many people. My husband owns a house and I own one house and one condo. We were fortunate to escape the ravages of water damage on our three properties until last week – and it wasn’t from any natural disaster.

I own a condo at 1544 High School Drive in Brentwood Forest Condominiums, of Brentwood, Missouri. It’s a long story how I came to own this, which I’ll get into later. I lived there as my full time residence from November of 2004 until August of 2018 when I got married to Tom Winkelmann.

Since our marriage, we have used the condo to store some of our extra stuff while I have used it on occasion as a crash pad and a studio for art and writing when I need some quiet time away to get some creative work done. Until recently Tom had a cat who liked to pee on everything so I avoided moving things over there like my favorite furniture, pillows, and blankets until he was gone. The cat Leo was ancient when we got married and he passed away this summer. Eventually I plan to rehab the condo and get it ready to rent out. Over the last four years I’ve encountered a number of obstacles which have made it hard to get this done (if anyone wants to know more about these obstacles I’ll get into that but it’s not critical to know for this first section). This is going to turn out to be one of those blog posts I’m going to keep adding onto as I go through an unexpected problem caused by a water leak from the condo above mine, 1542 High School Drive owned by William and Laurel Mahon of St. Charles, Missouri. My unit is on the first floor of a two-story building.

Last Monday (August 22, 2022) I entered the condo to do some cleaning and moving to get ready for rehabbing. I broke my foot last year and was grieving over the loss of my uncle and the suicide death of my brother which happened at this time last year. I haven’t really been able to function close to normally until a couple of weeks ago. When I walked by the closet where the water heater is, I stepped in water. I opened the closet door to see if it was leaking, and saw that that the inside of the closet was full of mold and when I looked up I saw the ceiling of the closet was moldy, and the ceiling near the closet spreading into the living room and the room I use as an office was also moldy. Part of the wall on the outside of the closet had mold. So did part of the kitchen ceiling and the pantry. The last time I’d been at the condo was about two weeks before that and none of that mold was there then.

My water heater was brand new as of 2017, and it seemed unlikely to me that it would have leaked and leaked into the ceiling above it even if it did. I asked my Dad to come over and diagnose the problem. Was the leak from my level or upstairs? He diagnosed the leak as being from upstairs, and later that week he met with the son of the owner of the unit above me to show him the damage and let him know that there was likely going to be a claim made on his insurance for the damage to my unit.

My Dad told me he was under the impression that the son was going to try to deny responsibility, even though he had a plumber to his unit to shut off the leak upstairs, which had apparently originated with the air conditioning unit in 1542. The leak not only caused the mold growth, but ruined my water heater, which will have to be replaced. I’m sure the upstairs owners would rather my insurance pay it than theirs. But since the leak was upstairs, their insurance should pay. I will keep a log here on this blog of what happens because I’m probably going to have to explain this several times, perhaps in court if it comes to that, and it’s easier to just have it written out and documented as it happens. I will add photos and updates as I go.

My Dad met with the plumber hired by the owners of 1542 along with the property manager of Brentwood Forest this morning, August 29, 2022. The plumber confirmed that my water heater was ruined because the box with the electronics was completely flooded. The property manager appeared to be there not to help me, the victim, but to blame the presence of mold on two aquariums that I have near the damaged area. Those aquariums have been there since 2005. They don’t leak and until last week I didn’t have mold in any of those spots. I don’t understand why the property manager wants to railroad me. Whatever the reason, I will not let myself be financially abused for damage I didn’t cause.

Instead of helping the wronged party, me, with the giant inconvenience and time suck this is going to be, the property manager was more interested in threatening to have the city condemn my unit for having mold in it. If I ever want to sell my condo, I’m not really doing myself any favors by telling anecdotes about what the condo association here is like. But I care more about warning people, and I’m sure there are other places on the web where you can read similar accounts. If you must live here, rent, don’t own. And don’t make a long commitment.

You can read some of the reviews of the Brentwood Forest Condominium Association on Yelp. I’ll likely be adding mine soon.

https://www.yelp.com/biz/brentwood-forest-condominium-association-saint-louis

So here is my warning to people who own units in Brentwood Forest. If your unit is on a lower floor, before you go out of town, or leave the condo for awhile, such as on vacation or for the winter or whatever, take pictures or video of your ceilings to show they are clear of damage. Then if you get back and find a problem, it will be harder to pin the damage on you. Even though they admit the leak started upstairs, and common sense says water doesn’t flow upwards, it appears I’m going to have to fight for fair treatment. So there is a bit of advice to help you avoid a similar situation.

Stay tuned! I hope this doesn’t get as ugly as it looks like it might. But if it does, you’ll get the news here as it happens.

I usually don’t have back pain, but I have it today just from the emotional stress, so after I shut this laptop down I’m going to go swim in the excellent Brentwood Forest pool – probably the main reason I haven’t sold this place yet.

08/30/22

I’m going to be keeping a time log each day it’s applicable of how much time I’ve spent cleaning this up and managing and mitigating the repairs.

Time spent as of 08/30/22: 33 minutes

I sent the following email to Kent Allen, the BFCA general manager:

“I just want to let you know that as I make repairs on my condo, I’m going to be keeping track off all the expenses and time involved. I’m on the bottom level, and the water originated above me. That makes me the wronged party in this case. Since I’m the one who received the leaking water into my unit, I’m going to have to remove a lot of stuff so the walls can be fixed. This is going to be a lot of time for me, and the people upstairs are going to be charged for it. I’m going to be documenting all my time and expenses.

If you try to make things harder for me by making me spend extra time and extra fees to get this work done, say by trying to get the County to condemn my unit because of damage they caused, the extra time and expenses it’s going to take to reverse that will be charged to the insurance of the people in 1542, not me. So I hope you don’t try to hurt me that way because it will just end up hurting them in the end.

I’m not eager to cost the people upstairs more than is necessary because until now I have had no problems with them. They offered to pay for a leak from the bathroom up above mine before, but since I’ve been planning to rehab that whole bathroom anyway I told them not to worry about it. If they try to say the new damage is actually old, they are going to get a very different response. There is damage in several spots that came from above. I know what came from above and what did not. I have let the minor damage go in the past, because I’ve been planning to rehab and repaint everything, and it wouldn’t matter. But this damage is a lot more serious and it does matter. So please don’t hurt them by trying to hurt me.

Thank you for your time.”

Response from Kent.

“I’m not calling anyone. “

09/04/22

My expense tally so far:

08/24/22 – 64 OZ Air Dehumidifier Q=2 21.69

08/31/22 – 42 OZ Damprid Refill 4.86

1PT Concern Neem Oil 16.31

35 PT Dehumidifier 246.26

Subtotal: 289.12

09/09/22

Time spent as of 09/09/22: 142 minutes

Photos and videos of damage visible in this online album:

Condo Project

Here are is a photo and some videos that help show the mold did not come from my aquariums as your clients claim. I’ve had these aquariums since 2005. I never had mold around them until after 08/08/22.
A photo from 2010:
https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=2262798733710&set=a.1176293771765

Some videos from 2012 showing aquariums and rooms where some of the damage is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnqekmYIYI0

Those aquariums had been there for 7 years at that point with no sign of mold. I think if you take all the evidence together you can see that the idea that the mold just happened to come from my aquariums at the time when they admit that water was coming in from upstairs is not credible and is an attempt at fraud.

09/12/22

Time spent as of 09/12/22: 180 minutes

06/29/23

Yes it’s been a long time since I’ve posted an update on the condo situation. I have been paid by my insurance company for the damage, and am now in the process of moving things out so I can renovate. This process was much delayed because of my Dad’s health issues that started in October 2022. He required my help for several months but fortunately has recovered extremely well! I’m having a heck of a time building a new routine and a new life with all the turmoil of the last couple of years but I’m slowly improving.

Brentwood Forest had a change in management in May 2023. Here are my comments about it that I wrote today on the Nextdoor platform.

“I have many reasons to be thankful that the old regime is gone. So far, the new regime has been encouraging in that they are much more transparent with communications (they actually answer my questions if I ask one via email such as when is the building and grounds committee meeting) and the person at the front desk treats people like customers instead of inmates which is reassuring! Now I won’t dread going into the office to do routine business any more.

On the down side, I wrote the management the following email today after visiting the larger pool last night. ‘Hi, do you know if the pool is open this evening and if will be until 8 pm? The pool management people appeared to shut it down early last night, apparently it was too filthy to allow people in it any more.

I was swimming at the time, I was the only one. I took a chance because I swim in natural bodies of water a lot so was only a little put off. We were wondering why no one seemed to be there then we saw the condition of the pool and figured that must by why.

The other day a duck was swimming in the pool with us. It looked last night like there were a lot of duck feces and leaves in it, and there was considerable algae.

We were wondering why two pool employees were there chatting with each other but making no attempt to clean the pool when no one was in it. I understand lifeguards are supposed to keep their eye on swimmers but when no one is in the pool can’t they skim out leaves and duck feces?

Please let me know if I should try to swim tonight! I don’t live in my unit at the moment because it’s being renovated so I have to make a special trip over there. Thank you for your help!'”

I forgot to mention that the shower they have for rinsing off after you get out didn’t work when I tried to use it last night.

This is a real bummer because swimming was one of the ways I was getting my mental and physical health back so I can get back to working on my projects, home improvement and otherwise. Yes there are other places to swim, but this was my favorite (in summer anyway).

Memory crafts needed in a hurry plus mourning in a social media age

September 20, 2021Mixed Media, Paper Craftsart therapy, burial, cremation, Dave Hasenfratz, David J. Hasenfratz, family tragedy, family trauma, funeral mass, funeral preparation, funerary practices, Larry Hasenfratz, Lawrence J. Hasenfratz, memorial art project, memorial craft project, memory crafts, memory project, mental health, mental health awareness, mixed media, mourning, photo memory board, self care, self-care, social media, suicide, suicide bereavement, suicide contagion, suicide prevention, trauma, wake preparation, wood cover for asheschasenfratz

Trigger warning: this blog post deals with the topic of suicide. Please get professional help if you are suffering from mental health issues. If you are afraid that you might harm yourself, please call 911 or a suicide hotline immediately. Here is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline phone number – 1-800-273-8255.

Knowing how to make memory craft projects and having memory craft materials around is most helpful when going through something like my remaining family and I just went through. My uncle Dave was discovered deceased on August 27, 2021 and my brother Larry died from suicide on September 4, 2021.

I think some people were taken aback that I was open about my brother dying from suicide almost immediately after hearing the news. No one gave me flak over it, but I do think a few people were surprised. I did ask my Dad for permission before I posted the cause of death. My Dad and I are the two remaining from our original nuclear family of four.

There are reasons why I wanted people to know the truth right away. For one thing I wanted people to know exactly what horror we were dealing with because it’s not likely that our lives will be “back to normal” any time soon, if ever. We will be needing and asking for some leeway in meeting some of our obligations as we try to figure out what our lives are going to look like now and decide how to prioritize tasks.

Another reason is that my brother fought to overcome bipolar disorder for over 20 years, and my late uncle did as well. My brother’s illness affected our family greatly even well before it was diagnosed because there were serious symptoms that made all of our lives challenging at times, even if we didn’t yet understand what they meant. I have done volunteer work from time to time over the years to help people with mental illness, mental disabilities, or are just going through a tough time as the result of a normal grieving process. In the past I taught workshops at the former Open Door Art Studio and a few years back I donated a few days work and a lot of supplies to Artists First studio with the hope of someday doing more work there. When the COVID-19 pandemic started, my husband Tom and I did a series of eight webcasts we called #virtualartparty to help people enjoy art and craft activities to help avoid mental health problems that could result from anxiety and isolation.

I knew my brother’s suffering had increased quite a bit over the last few months. I tried to show I cared and encourage him a little by doing a couple of “art therapy” projects with him and my Dad, and with a few other people who were also going through a hard time. I was planning to do more whenever I was able. I put “art therapy” in quotes here because while I’m a trained artist I’m not a formally trained art therapist – but since all art is therapeutic, my philosophy is it’s better to do something than nothing. Even if it doesn’t work, at least you have tried. And a few minutes of distraction from misery is better than nothing as well. I have to look for something good where I can in order to go on.

Making self-care cards out of Project Life cards

Art Journaling By Selectively Covering Text

I have been through a course of therapy myself to recover from an abusive relationship and the resulting serious trauma. Even though I have great empathy for sufferers I know there is a limited amount I can do to help someone else recover from severe mental illness. My Dad and I know we tried everything that we could think of to save our loved ones but we could not do it. Dave and Larry were both under medical care and as far as we know fighting hard for many years. Our help and the work of many doctors and therapists was not enough to save them. I’m grateful for the people who can be saved and sad about the ones that can’t. There is a need out there for compassion and understanding to aid others in helping their loved ones with mental illness or consoling them if the outcome turns out tragic. That’s something I can help with in a little way perhaps by writing about it and continuing to make small contributions to the general cause of mental health whenever I can. I think dealing with reality head-on is more useful for this goal than trying to cover it up. I feel devastated over what happened but it’s based on sadness, not shame. I don’t want other mourners affected by mental illness or suicide to feel shame either. So I’m trying to contribute by setting an example of frankness and truth. I am not judging others who choose a different way – we all have our reasons for how we grieve and how we process our situations.

It comforts me to try to find answers and explanations to find meaning in overwhelming situations. Right now I’m more consumed with questions than in a state of readiness for trying to find answers. That’s where the memory crafts come in. I made a few things for the funerals in a hurry, which served the purposes of mourning the dead, comforting others, and providing a needed distraction and creative outlet for myself to help me cope. Following are some pictures. It’s my way to mark just about any important occasion with art and crafts – both celebratory and mournful.

fishing related craft items plus lures — Fishing related craft items plus lures. Uncle Dave was cremated so I was asked to make a box to temporarily cover the plastic box of ashes during the mass. I was inspired to make a fishing themed box for several reasons. One, as Christians, I liked the allusion to Jesus asking the apostles to be join him and be “fishers of men”. Is there a way to use this tragedy as a way to bring God’s love to people? Another reason is that fishing was one of his main activities if not THE main activity he loved, and it broke my heart that when we went in his house all the items for a future fishing trip were ready by the door – poles, cooler, pliers, tackle, etc. I wish he had been able to go on his planned trip and many many more after that. Another is that although I don’t fish I love to be on water and one reason I do Operation Clean Stream is so that people like me and Uncle Dave and everyone who enjoys the outdoors can have clean, healthy streams. So that is something I felt a connection with him through – nature and water. Two of the lures I used I found in the Meramec River while I was doing stream cleanup, and the other lures I used were Dave’s.

wood panels for box — Wood panels for box after being painted, sanded and assembled.

Background for Dave's photo board. — Background for Dave’s photo board. When I started Dave’s memorial projects, I thought I was going to have a lot more time to work on them. Unfortunately my brother also died before we could have Dave’s funeral, so some of that time went for planning Larry’s funeral also. Dad and I glued on the papers for this background from a selection I had already picked out to harmonize with the box. We used medical tape that Tom had around on the edges because we didn’t have time to shop for anything else. Fortunately, it was the right weight and texture and looked good. Because of our grieving and hasty preparations, I actually wore a dress with no underwear because I forgot to bring extra and using one of my brother’s ties as a belt because I forgot one to the first funeral – but we got by. With all the shock I’m proud of us for just functioning. We had a lot of great help too – we are very grateful. We believe prayer works and we know lots of people were praying for us. We also know how much we were helped by people’s kind actions. For example my husband Tom took two weeks off from work to help us. We are most indebted to him and others for their kind deeds.

Larry's photo board #1 — Larry’s photo board #1

We used the same tape on Larry’s boards but I painted it a black/bronze color before we started gluing down the torn paper. This is only a tiny percentage of all the photos we would have liked to show but Larry’s friend Tim and others helped put together a digital slide show as well that was greatly appreciated by all of us.